Who Ya Gonna Call?! 20/20's Guide to the Affordable Performer
May 27th 2010 08:25
by Matt Shea and Toby Fleming
Toby Fleming is a guest writer on 20/20 Filmsight. When he isn’t slipping a bandanna round his head and living vicariously through 'First Blood: Parts I & II', Toby’s busy tinkering with his own screenplays and boring people to death about the virtues of pressure-plunged coffee. He prefers Ridley, but appreciates Tony.
Toby Fleming is a guest writer on 20/20 Filmsight. When he isn’t slipping a bandanna round his head and living vicariously through 'First Blood: Parts I & II', Toby’s busy tinkering with his own screenplays and boring people to death about the virtues of pressure-plunged coffee. He prefers Ridley, but appreciates Tony.
Imagine working for years, honing your shtick, only to finally knock on the door of the top tier in acting and find your particular place taken. Perhaps this person is a contemporary or perhaps they’ve been sitting in their princely spot for years. Either way, the only way you’re going to take that place is if you drain some brake fluid.
It can be a frustrating life for these second-class players, who inevitably end up in television or plying the bit parts in feature films. Their names are seemingly not important: you probably just think of them as the Morgan Freeman or Pierce Brosnan of the small screen. Still, when you need a decent performance delivered on a reasonable rate, these are the people to call.
20/20 Filmsight is now doing its bit, providing the casting agents of this world with a mugger's guide to the b-grade and small screen versions of the big name stars. Read on, and maybe save you and your film from financial ruin.
aTHE COP!
Elias Koteas is a man who gets around, so much so that we didn’t really think twice when we first saw him in television’s Law & Order…
Except that was actually Chris Meloni, a guy who broke into television because someone mistook him for Elias Koteas. And to be honest, we probably did think twice.
aTHE SUPERSPY!
Many argue that Pierce Brosnan was the best James Bond. It’s a topic up for debate, particularly given the glacial good looks Daniel Craig has brought to the role. Of course, if the franchise’s producers keep making films the quality of Quantum of Solace, they may just have to call upon…
Charles Shaughnessy, the man who would play 007 if the earth existed in a parallel universe, one where superspies sport suspenders, elbow patches, and chequered bow ties.
aTHE ENTERTAINER!
People love Mickey Rooney, unless of course they’re Asian. So, if you need to cast an old school entertainer but the studio boss is Japanese, you’d better get on the horn to…
Dick Van Patten, a guy who can mug and boggle with the best of them, and also put you onto a cheap line of dog food.
aTHE LEADING MAN!
Matthew McConaughy is the perfect romantic leading man, except his weight fluctuates like the Greek stock exchange. So, if while you’ve been lining up Kirsten Bell, J.K. Livin’s been lining up the pizza vouchers, you’ll need to get on to…
Josh Lucas, the man who suffers the ignominy – or exceptional good fortune, depending on how you see it – of looking exactly like his more well-known but no more well-respected doppelganger.
aTHE NUTJOB!
Dennis Hopper is obviously your first choice to play a head case, but he’s also tricky to work with and in the middle of a rather serious divorce. Save yourself the unknowns plus a few bucks and instead opt for…
John P. Ryan, the scariest man whose name you can never quite think of. Ryan made his career playing hard-boiled police officers and strict military men, but witness Warden Ranken in Runaway Train for his most full throttle dose of crazed malice.
aTHE AFRICAN AMERICAN PATRIOT!
Can’t pay Denzel Washington enough to yet again play the hero who even a bum-scratching redneck would entrust with the fate of the United States (ergo, the world)? Well, if the executive producer just blew all his money on Republican Party contributions, you’ll be needing…
Dennis Haysbert, the man who can get the world saved on a budget and not have anybody comment on the colour of his skin.
aTHE HUNK!
We don’t know why you’d want to cast Josh Hartnett, but there are those who value his general confusion and total lack of range. Still, if you and Hartnett’s agent lose each other in the salary negotiations, you could always call upon…
Ashton Kutcher. And if you can’t get Kutcher you should probably just forget about it.
aTHE BOMBSHELL!
Marilyn Monroe was always the lady if you needed a blonde bombshell. But if the studio money dried up or you happened to be on Marilyn’s black list, you could’ve always gotten in contact with…
Jayne Mansfield, the lady the newspapers called when they needed a headline. A cheaper version of Monroe she was, but it’s debatable how much bang you were actually getting for your buck.
aTHE VETERAN TRUTH-TELLER!
Morgan Freeman has for years had a mortgage on any role requiring a wizened, fatherly soothsayer, but he may need to rethink his pay rate after The Wire introduced us to…
Clarke Peters, a man who’ll tell the blindingly obvious home truths and still leave the filmmakers enough money for catering.
aTHE BLACK HAT!
Jack Palance was arguably the ultimate bad guy. Even so, there’s little he can do for a budding film producer from six feet under. But if you just closed the industry directory with slumped shoulders, you need to reopen it at ‘K’ and find the number for…
Stacey Keach, the go-to guy when the black-hatted moneyman is actually no longer in existence.
It can be a frustrating life for these second-class players, who inevitably end up in television or plying the bit parts in feature films. Their names are seemingly not important: you probably just think of them as the Morgan Freeman or Pierce Brosnan of the small screen. Still, when you need a decent performance delivered on a reasonable rate, these are the people to call.
20/20 Filmsight is now doing its bit, providing the casting agents of this world with a mugger's guide to the b-grade and small screen versions of the big name stars. Read on, and maybe save you and your film from financial ruin.
aTHE COP!
Elias Koteas is a man who gets around, so much so that we didn’t really think twice when we first saw him in television’s Law & Order…
Except that was actually Chris Meloni, a guy who broke into television because someone mistook him for Elias Koteas. And to be honest, we probably did think twice.
aTHE SUPERSPY!
Many argue that Pierce Brosnan was the best James Bond. It’s a topic up for debate, particularly given the glacial good looks Daniel Craig has brought to the role. Of course, if the franchise’s producers keep making films the quality of Quantum of Solace, they may just have to call upon…
Charles Shaughnessy, the man who would play 007 if the earth existed in a parallel universe, one where superspies sport suspenders, elbow patches, and chequered bow ties.
aTHE ENTERTAINER!
People love Mickey Rooney, unless of course they’re Asian. So, if you need to cast an old school entertainer but the studio boss is Japanese, you’d better get on the horn to…
Dick Van Patten, a guy who can mug and boggle with the best of them, and also put you onto a cheap line of dog food.
aTHE LEADING MAN!
Matthew McConaughy is the perfect romantic leading man, except his weight fluctuates like the Greek stock exchange. So, if while you’ve been lining up Kirsten Bell, J.K. Livin’s been lining up the pizza vouchers, you’ll need to get on to…
Josh Lucas, the man who suffers the ignominy – or exceptional good fortune, depending on how you see it – of looking exactly like his more well-known but no more well-respected doppelganger.
aTHE NUTJOB!
Dennis Hopper is obviously your first choice to play a head case, but he’s also tricky to work with and in the middle of a rather serious divorce. Save yourself the unknowns plus a few bucks and instead opt for…
John P. Ryan, the scariest man whose name you can never quite think of. Ryan made his career playing hard-boiled police officers and strict military men, but witness Warden Ranken in Runaway Train for his most full throttle dose of crazed malice.
aTHE AFRICAN AMERICAN PATRIOT!
Can’t pay Denzel Washington enough to yet again play the hero who even a bum-scratching redneck would entrust with the fate of the United States (ergo, the world)? Well, if the executive producer just blew all his money on Republican Party contributions, you’ll be needing…
Dennis Haysbert, the man who can get the world saved on a budget and not have anybody comment on the colour of his skin.
aTHE HUNK!
We don’t know why you’d want to cast Josh Hartnett, but there are those who value his general confusion and total lack of range. Still, if you and Hartnett’s agent lose each other in the salary negotiations, you could always call upon…
Ashton Kutcher. And if you can’t get Kutcher you should probably just forget about it.
aTHE BOMBSHELL!
Marilyn Monroe was always the lady if you needed a blonde bombshell. But if the studio money dried up or you happened to be on Marilyn’s black list, you could’ve always gotten in contact with…
Jayne Mansfield, the lady the newspapers called when they needed a headline. A cheaper version of Monroe she was, but it’s debatable how much bang you were actually getting for your buck.
aTHE VETERAN TRUTH-TELLER!
Morgan Freeman has for years had a mortgage on any role requiring a wizened, fatherly soothsayer, but he may need to rethink his pay rate after The Wire introduced us to…
Clarke Peters, a man who’ll tell the blindingly obvious home truths and still leave the filmmakers enough money for catering.
aTHE BLACK HAT!
Jack Palance was arguably the ultimate bad guy. Even so, there’s little he can do for a budding film producer from six feet under. But if you just closed the industry directory with slumped shoulders, you need to reopen it at ‘K’ and find the number for…
Stacey Keach, the go-to guy when the black-hatted moneyman is actually no longer in existence.
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