The miracle of childbirth
June 13th 2006 22:02
Newborn baby
For example, if someone went into cardiac arrest on the street, and you've watched season 1 of Lost, you might think it was appropriate to punch the guy/girl in the chest, screaming 'C'mon! Dammit! C'mon!'
C'mon! Breathe, goddammit!
Well, we're not stranded on The Island.
Oh, actually, we ARE kind of stranded on an island. Sorry, forgot.
Still, there are bloodthirsty lawyers on this island, which means that performing ridiculous TV CPR on someone will probably get you a hefty lawsuit, and maybe even some jailtime.
Anyway, First Aid = good. It's even interesting. At the end of the session, though, there was quite a shock...apparently in New South Wales, to be certified in First Aid, you have to know something about delivering a baby.
To describe the childbirth procedure, they showed us a video.
A very, very graphic video...it started out benign, with some friendly doctors and helpful massages. Then we quickly realized that these weren't actors, the woman was actually pregnant, and something was going to come out of her.
After some devilish, Exorcist-type screams, the baby came out. Not easily, I might add.
Is that the end? Hells, no... the woman still has to expel the placenta, which, until now, I thought was just a couple of silky sheets of tissue. No, this is a massive, pulsating alien-type pod. I can't believe Tom Cruise was going to eat it. I don't think he knew what it was.
I dunno... if I had to deliver a baby, my natural reaction might just be to push it back in... it looks like a terrifying experience all around.
I tried to find a video of a birth to 'share' with you, but all I could find is this hilarious clip from the Cosby Show:
The Cosby Show - Cliff gives birth
It's in Italian, but I think you'll still get the idea...
* this image was taken from the Wikipedia page on Childbirth and is licensed by the GNU Free Document License.
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