"I wasn't stoked on The Transformers until I did some research on my cut of possible ancilary benefits, and there really is more than meets the eye."

"What I will say is this: I fucked Katie Holmes. It was after The Gift, and as I was casting Bad Boys II. I told her I might give her the Peter Stormarre role (and she believed me!) Oh man, I fucked her so many different ways and her favorite was what I like to call the "Brownhammer," when I was plugging her brown eye while she was in an almost handstand. Just tore her shit up. And you know what? That girl has a taint soulpatch. It's the grossest thing I've ever seen. Of course I didn't see it until I fucked her a couple of times cause if I don't have to eat pussy I won't (and it's not that I won't ladies, it's that if a girl's getting fucked because she wants a part, then we both know what it is). After I saw that I was like... um, no. I mean, I can't imagine that it's easy to get that shit waxed, but you have to take care of your trim all the way around."