Hamburger... The Motion Picture
August 28th 2008 22:56
For today's Friday Filth, we have the raunchy 80s comedy, "Hamburger... The Motion Picture", a title that was chosen because, apparently, just "Hamburger" would confuse moviegoers into ordering burgers at the cinema.
The 80s were a wonderful time for useless, ridiculous comedy, and the sex comedy was the king of the hill. Many fond memories were created on the skin-appeal of movies like "Porky's", "Meatballs" and "Animal House", movies which taught us that being naughty boys was sure to result in a saccharine ending, with us winning the beautiful girl away from the meathead football players.
Unfortunately, these movies were mimicked and copied ad infinitum, producing an entire shelf at the video store of seedy, bikini-and-boob box covers.
Naturally, as a young kid, I wanted to watch them all. Quite a few I did watch, but one that always stuck with me was "Hamburger... The Motion Picture", a movie that is unavailable for purchase, until they pull it out of the muck barrel and remaster it onto DVD. Unti then, you'll only be able to watch it on VHS, if you still have one of the old relics.
The loose plot of the movie is that a young man named Russell keeps getting kicked out of universities for having sex, but he needs a college degree in order to claim his inheritance. His problem is, though, that the ladies can't keep their hands off him, ruining his chances of graduating.
Thus, he enrolls in Buster Burger University, for a 12 week degree in how to run a burger joint.
Yeah, this is not a good movie...
When I first saw this, I remember being wide-eyed at the depravity shown on screen, but now, after a mature viewing, it seems rather tame. There's only a scattered amount of skin, the jokes are all in the rancid depths of toilet humour, and the burger jokes wear thin.
The entire movie is an effort to get through - and I didn't make the effort, letting the movie play while I happily solved equations on the side. It's a good indication of the quality of humour in "Hamburger" that I found infinite summations infinitely more appealing.
Still, I suppose my strongest feeling was of disappointment. "Hamburger" was terrific to watch for nostalgia, and to see Dick Butkus and Randi Brooks, but it actually had promise. The 80s were a time of American globalization, before it became a dirty word, before it meant losing jobs to Mexico and China. Globalization meant that American companies were going abroad and selling the American Dream - and nothing was more American than McDonalds.
McDonalds was nauseating in the 80s, with their plasticine colours and their insufferable corporate culture... "Hamburger" satirizes this, opening with a few impressive salvos, only to drop the tone and go for the slapstick.
The sexual element in this movie could have been far better as well - Russell attracts women without doing anything, and he alludes to the fact that it's a curse. Sure, a curse we'd all like to have, but the reality of his condition is almost pitiable. It would be fascinating to see him struggle with his unbearable magnetism, but the movie drops this plotline almost immediately.
Sadly, then, "Hamburger" will be relegated to fond childhood memories of Randi Brooks getting pleasured in a Chinese restaurant. It was almost unbearable at the end, when, predictably, everyone graduates happily, and we're forced to sit through a graduation ceremony.
I don't even attend my own graduation ceremonies, and you made me sit through Buster Burger U's? For shame, "Hamburger".
I say: I would avoid this on all fronts, except in the highly unlikely situation that you really like terrible 80s sex comedies. Sadly, I do.
See it for: Apparently Jon Lovitz plays a security guard in the film - and a decent role played by NFL linebacker Dick Butkus. Personally, I saw it for the randy school psychologist and the machine gun wielding Mexican lady. Wow!
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