Matt Shea
RubySoho
Morgan Bell
Cibbuano
David O'Connell
Mountain Fog
Gatorade and the Truth
April 6th 2006 23:48
Sprint! (from Wikipedia)
Gatorade is pretty easy to buy into - after all, it rejuvenates you body... 30% faster than water! And water is 100% water, making Gatorade some kind of dark matter containing 130% water.
They made Gatorade chewing gum when I was a kid. It had a picture of a lightning bolt on it, so I'd chew it and yell out 'Shazam!' just like Captain Marvel.
When I played football in high school, there'd be a Gatorade truck that would come visit us every couple of weeks. We'd get free samples of their latest flavours, and after a rough practice, my mouth tasting like dirt and other men's sweat, Gatorade tasted like Ambrosia.
Of course, the point was to get us addicted. And it worked. I'd drink it when I was just lounging around, stocking myself with vitamins and essential minerals for the unlikely situation of having to wrestle a bear.
Yes, Gatorade was the ubiquitous sports drink, until the craze caught on and everything was made to be Extreme! and Energized! and X-Factored!
Advertising critics often claim that ads for drinkables are highly sexual. They say that the bottle is inherently phallic, and it's trying to play on our subconcious.
Forget it. Who cares? Maybe it's true, but just because I like to drink from the bottle doesn't mean... you know... that I want to suck anything. That's ridiculous. The bottle is just a convenient shape, is all.
Then I saw this post on Basketbawful: The Gatorade Conspiracy.
Pretty compelling evidence, my friends. As the author of the post indicated, if the bottle is phallic, then this picture is actual pornography:
Easy with the squeeze, girl! (from Basketbawful)
He then goes on to show Gatorade's advertising campaign, and with the phallic theme in mind, the rest of the ads are straight-up dirty. Ugh, spare the children, please!
I dunno.
I'm not sure how I feel like this.
One thing I'm sure of: I'm not thirsty right now. Or ever.
| 79 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
subscribe to this blog
Comment by amy
You have to ask yourself where his head is, though, when EVERYTHING that's longer than it is wide is phallic. Forget engineering, it's all about genitalia.
He might want to get his eyes checked - though maybe he's happy seeing them EVERYWHERE, EVERY DAY.
Whatever dings your dong I guess.
(you nasty)
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
I saw the link to this page on boingboing, I think...
sure, he's a little 'alarmist', but he's got a good point. Those big Gatorade bottles have lip around the 'head' and everything.
Comment by Lia
But Freud takes the 'seeing it everywhere' much much futher... dreams about flying are really a reflection of the penis' amazing ability to defy gravity..
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
No, Sigmund, YOU'RE obsessed with your ass. Now leave us alone!
Comment by amy
Lia, just remember, as The Grates say, "Gravity won't get you high" so I guess it might as well get you horny!
Cibby I can see your blog going a totally different direction (let's face it, you've already strayed well off the path of film) towards "Things That Could Be Mistaken for Genitalia."
You can call it "Double Entendre: What were YOU thinking?!"
Comment by AdamB
-A-
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Amy: Another fine suggestion... 'Things that could be mistaken for Genitalia', that could run forEVER!
Comment by Sara
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
And then you'll come crawling back to Gatorade!
Comment by Ricardo