Matt Shea
RubySoho
Morgan Bell
Cibbuano
David O'Connell
Mountain Fog
Asparagus Juice
June 11th 2006 12:03
One reason fruits are so juicy, I believe, is that they contain a lot of juice. While this may seem terribly obvious to us, the original people that decided to juice an orange were probably pretty nervous.
'What,' they'd muse to each other, 'if it tastes like rubber bands, or burning garbage?'
'Well, we just won't drink it all, then.'
Now, juicing is big business, and people will juice nearly anything, trying to reduce the essential minerals and vitamins into a drinkable form. I'm convinced that these health nuts enjoy the satisfied gasp of air after they down a glass of whatever noxious subtance they've convinced themselves to imbibe.
'Ah!' they'll gasp and smack, putting down the glass with an energized THUD!.
Look - I like juice as much as the next guy, but there's a line we need to draw in the sand before we go overboard with the whole juicing thing.
For example, I was in Chinatown one weekend, and bought lots of salty, delicious things for dinner. Naturally, I looked for a refreshing drink to wash it all down, and Chinatown is a good place to find interesting drinks.
Mango - done. Papaya - old hat. Guava - boring. I needed something new, a fresh kick. And I got it:
Ri-i-i-ight... Asparagus Juice...
Normally, I steam asparagus, and serve it with Hollandaise sauce, or just olive oil and Parmesan. At no point did I ever think that it would make an invigorating drink.
In fact, according to Wikipedia, eating asparagus tends to cause your pee to smell heinous and foul, suggesting that the juice itself has those vile odours in it.
That vile odour is caused by 'asparagine', some chemical. Some people think that asparagus juice is a great hangover cure, but those are probably the kind of people that end up in the hospital, requesting to have objects removed from various bodily orifices...
Well, in the interest of curiousity, I did it. I drank it. This is what it looked like:
It was an Earth-shattering moment, I have to admit. Worse than that... it's as if the Earth rotated 7 times in a spilt-second, while I stayed in the exact same place, watching the planet fly by. In that split-second, I had these abrupt realizations:
1) I need to change the lightbulb in my kitchen.
2) It is possible to vomit a little bit and drink at the same time.
3) All you need is love, love. Love is all you need. And short shorts.
4) Asparagus juice is a terrible, terrible idea.
After swallowing, I assumed that my life would go back to normal.
I was wrong - it was as if all the disgustingness in Sydney collected itself into a brick wall and slammed me in the face. I made those sounds that sound like a prehistoric ape language played backwards.
I didn't drink the rest.
In fact, I quite hurridly poured it down the drain.
Then I rinsed out the can.
Somehow, the 'flavour' of this chemical poison escaped out of my esophagus and stabbed my tongue in the back. My eyes danced in their sockets.
I rinsed the can out again.
I went to bed feeling vaguely unsettled about the state of the world... a world where, somewhere out there, there's a factory making thousands of these rinks everyday. I'm not sure I belong in that world...
'What,' they'd muse to each other, 'if it tastes like rubber bands, or burning garbage?'
'Well, we just won't drink it all, then.'
Now, juicing is big business, and people will juice nearly anything, trying to reduce the essential minerals and vitamins into a drinkable form. I'm convinced that these health nuts enjoy the satisfied gasp of air after they down a glass of whatever noxious subtance they've convinced themselves to imbibe.
'Ah!' they'll gasp and smack, putting down the glass with an energized THUD!.
Look - I like juice as much as the next guy, but there's a line we need to draw in the sand before we go overboard with the whole juicing thing.
For example, I was in Chinatown one weekend, and bought lots of salty, delicious things for dinner. Naturally, I looked for a refreshing drink to wash it all down, and Chinatown is a good place to find interesting drinks.
Mango - done. Papaya - old hat. Guava - boring. I needed something new, a fresh kick. And I got it:
Asparagus Juice
Ri-i-i-ight... Asparagus Juice...
Normally, I steam asparagus, and serve it with Hollandaise sauce, or just olive oil and Parmesan. At no point did I ever think that it would make an invigorating drink.
In fact, according to Wikipedia, eating asparagus tends to cause your pee to smell heinous and foul, suggesting that the juice itself has those vile odours in it.
That vile odour is caused by 'asparagine', some chemical. Some people think that asparagus juice is a great hangover cure, but those are probably the kind of people that end up in the hospital, requesting to have objects removed from various bodily orifices...
Well, in the interest of curiousity, I did it. I drank it. This is what it looked like:
Cibby drinks, then experiences acute nausea
It was an Earth-shattering moment, I have to admit. Worse than that... it's as if the Earth rotated 7 times in a spilt-second, while I stayed in the exact same place, watching the planet fly by. In that split-second, I had these abrupt realizations:
1) I need to change the lightbulb in my kitchen.
2) It is possible to vomit a little bit and drink at the same time.
3) All you need is love, love. Love is all you need. And short shorts.
4) Asparagus juice is a terrible, terrible idea.
After swallowing, I assumed that my life would go back to normal.
I was wrong - it was as if all the disgustingness in Sydney collected itself into a brick wall and slammed me in the face. I made those sounds that sound like a prehistoric ape language played backwards.
I didn't drink the rest.
In fact, I quite hurridly poured it down the drain.
Then I rinsed out the can.
Somehow, the 'flavour' of this chemical poison escaped out of my esophagus and stabbed my tongue in the back. My eyes danced in their sockets.
I rinsed the can out again.
I went to bed feeling vaguely unsettled about the state of the world... a world where, somewhere out there, there's a factory making thousands of these rinks everyday. I'm not sure I belong in that world...
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Comment by edward
Rocky's Running Diary
Comment by Martin Alak
Carrot and celery juice aren't bad though... (just not mixed)
The are both a pain to chew, and juicing them makes the vitamins more available (by breaking down the cellulose around them) then chewing alone could do.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Cibbuano
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ed, the 5 changed in relative proportion to my disgust...
anon, I've tried grass jelly, and I agree with you whole heartedly...
Comment by Anonymous 2
asparagine btw, is an amino acid, the first to be discovered, from asparagus
Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by Natalie
Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by Brian
Grass jelly however is something that blends a desert like drink that is being consumed widely. My point in this matter is to allow people to appreciate such new products, a whole orientation with regards to their benefits and composition should be made.
For instance, I found out last year that Aloe Vera is a drink that tastes close to Welch's Grape Juice. In our minds it is only for hair growth, but it really helps improve the skin and rids the body of harmful toxins.
All depends on how they will be presented to the consumer. Without it, they are dead products on the grocery shelves!
Comment by Cibbuano
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But, asparagus juice? Seriously, it was revolting.
And for a second opinion, I got a chinese friend to drink it - she said it should be good - and she couldn't handle it either!
Have you tried it?
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