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Reviews, previews and chuckling and snorting...

The Vampire Who Admires Me

May 19th 2009 00:42
Jo Koo as a sexy policewoman in The Vampire Who Admires Me
I bought this movie when I was visiting China, trapped in an underground mall that seemed to spiral out for miles, and deep into the earth.

The mall was called 'Victory Square' and had, hidden in its nooks, all kinds of bizarre, fascinating elements. I might despise malls in Australia, but in China, there's hardly any other place that's more representative of the pulse of the place. People moving like blood corpuscles, pumped out through loud arteries and into shady veins.

I found myself at a DVD stand and was immediately transfixed by the cover of an erotic movie, which I reviewed almost immediately ("Forbidden Legend: Sex & Chopsticks"), and the seller noticed my bulging eyes.

"I'll take this," I said confidently.

He laughed and picked up another DVD, with a cover full of bikini-clad Chinese girls and a silly looking vampire.

"I'll take that, too!"

It's been over six months, but I've finally gotten around to watching "The Vampire Who Admires Me", a silly vampire comedy from Hong Kong that tries to pour as many heaving Asian bosoms into bikinis as possible.

I intended to love this film for the parade of delectable women, but, truthfully, the appeal escaped me. The story seems packaged into a ceral box prize: a group of models are sent to a remote island to do a photoshoot at the agency owner's inherited estate.

Luckily for everyone, his great-grandfather was cursed as a vampire, sealed into a tomb, which would only open if the grave was desecrated. You won't believe this - but the grave is indeed desecrated, and vampires start popping up all over the place.

Aieee! shriek the models as they are chased by the vampires.

"The Vampire Who Admires Me" was written and produced by Wong Jing, who is well known for producing, directing or writing a massive number of popular Chinese films, including the highly-esteemed (in my eyes) Sex & Zen series and the Young & Dangerous series.

Well, here, Wong Jing tries to give us funny vampires, which doesn't work out too well - the horror/comedy genre needs to be as unpredictable as possible to get off the ground, without resorting to toilet humour or silly slapstick. This movie includes both toilet humour AND silly slapstick, which should be a warning to avoid it.

How did I enjoy this? The film manages to be surprisingly amusing, and even brings a creepy atmosphere to a few scenes. Sure, the whole thing dissolves into nonsense, but the film exceeds expectations, especially for a film that, ostentiably, attempts to cast a few popular models and have them prance around.

Prance! Dance, I say! Give me that pouty look! Now look cute! Chinese movies that go for sex appeal, without diving into filth, seem to land on this mediocre plateau, where the audience is bored by the bikinis and would rather get back to the local island cops, bumbling around, being chased by vampires.

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I say: Worth a look if you like silly Chinese comedies with girls in bikinis.

See it for: By far, the most appealing pulchritude in the film is from Jo Koo, an underappreciated actress who plays the head police officer. She spends most of her time barking orders in a tight olive top, with a body that makes the models look like silly girls. Whew, I'd let her interrogate me.
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Toshiro Mifune in Sanjuro Akira Kurosawa samurai


Elsewhere on Orble, Spike 2 wrote a short review of Akira Kurosawa's double punch of "Yojimbo" and "Sanjuro", two samurai movies featuring the nameless, wandering samurai played by Toshiro Mifune.

What made these movies so appealing? Spike noted that Kurosawa believed that it wasn't the swordfighting as much as the character, a dubious hero, flitting on the edge of morality. Was he really trying to do good, or was he just trying to pick up as many coins as possible?

"[Kurosawa] believed that it was because Sanjuro was such a great character - a good man deep down, but disrespectful, world-weary and scheming as well... "

Certainly, cinema has cradled this type of main character, from the "Dirty Harry" movies, to Melville's fantastic "Le Samourai", to even the cardboard cutout of Wolverine in the "X-men" movies. Though we admire the faultless, shining statue of the perfect hero, there's still a part of the audience that aches to see the depth in a morally confused hero - which is why Batman seems more lively than Superman, even in the comics.

Kurosawa thought that audiences resonated with the samurai, compelling him to make a second movie, "Sanjuro", featuring the same character, but with a little more comedy and intricacy.

I remember when I first saw the two movies, played back-to-back at a special showing at the Chauvel Cinema in Sydney. From the opening moments, I was enraptured - until the final closing credits. "Yojimbo" is one of my favourite films, one that I adore so much that I refuse to watch it on DVD and dilute my memory.

What resonated with me at that screening? A combination of style and masterwork editing - Kurosawa layered the soundtrack with distinct Asian melodies, but fused with modern rhythm to produce an electrifying companion to the visuals.

And that footage! Kurosawa selected an unusual lens for his camera, filming Mifune low and from the rear, making him look bigger than life. From the opening moments, we see nothing more than Mifune walking around, shrugging his shoulders, that soundtrack announcing his arrival as one of the Titans returned to settle troubles.

This is glorious cinema, brought to a bed-wetting climax when the first swordfight breaks out - it's only then that the audience, as well as the villagers in the film, realize the raw, crackling energy held at bay by tempered martial arts. Mifune's samurai is one of a dying breed, but one so efficiently evolved to turn men into shreds and ribbons.

He's a crocodile - a warrior that has remained unchanged in millenia, and one that'll go down fighting and snarling until his last breath.

This is glorious cinema...




*this image is from Go in movies
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Lan Yu

February 27th 2009 04:02
Lan Yu Chinese film Hu Jun
Today in Filthy Fridays comes a review of a movie that involves the pleasures of the flesh, but is far removed from anything resembling filth.

It is, in my most honest opinion, the gayest movie that I've ever seen - and that includes a movie that I saw at the Palace that featured a real gay threesome
[ Click here to read more ]
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My Horny Girlfriend

January 29th 2009 22:03
My Horny Girlfriend Grace Lam and Eddie eating dinner

The ridiculous name of this Hong Kong Category III movie is diminished by the spectacularly poor production and acting, so awful that it manages to reach a level of simple enjoyment.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Before the Rains

January 27th 2009 23:10
Before the Rains Kerala film love story
Set in 1930s Kerala, the southernmost province in India and the homeland of my family, "Before the Rains" attempts to capture the magic and fertility of the landscapes of this hidden paradise, using it as a backdrop for a tragic love story.

The above image tells the audience all we need to know: a rich British colonialist falls in love with a local girl, despite the tensions between the two cultures and the forbidden nature of the tryst; sadly, though, there's not much else required, as the film is maddeningly predictable, the love story despicably lacking in passion


[ Click here to read more ]
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Beijing Bicycle

January 21st 2009 00:08
Beijing Bicycle
"Beijing Bicycle" was heavily applauded when it premiered at the Berlin International Film Festival; director Wang Xiaoshuai released it to the festival without permission from the Chinese government, causing the censor board to ban it in Mainland China.

It would be banned until 2004, meaning that the film served well abroad, depicting life in real China, as opposed to some of the more mainstream Chinese films... "Beijing Bicycle" is rooted deep in the traditions of Neorealism and is obviously influenced by De Sica's "Bicycle Thieves" and the rest of those groundbreaking Italian directors


[ Click here to read more ]
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Red Cliff (Chi Bi) Part II

January 12th 2009 08:23
Cavalry charge in Red Cliff War movie

Last week's review of the blockbuster war epic "Red Cliff" was gushing with enthusiasm about the film, a bloody chapter in Chinese history, full of sneaky counterattacks and famous war heroes. The second chapter of the film opened up yesterday in Chinese cinemas and I raced to get tickets, cheering and clutching them with glee.

[ Click here to read more ]
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If You Are the One (Fei Cheng Wu Rao)

January 9th 2009 07:11
If You Are the One Ge You blind date

Every year, before Spring Festival, Chinese director Feng Xiaogong comes out with a comedy to whet the vacationing appetites of the country. The film for 2008, "If You Are the One", stars Feng's longtime collaborator, Ge You, as a man in his 40s, newly rich, looking to settle down and start a family.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Red Cliff

January 6th 2009 08:27
Red Cliff army training Chinese

"Red Cliff" is the most expensive Chinese movie made to date, a two-part film depicting the famous battle at Red Cliff, when the Han Dynasty general from North China, Cao Cao, sails a massive fleet down the Yangtze River to invade the lands of Liu Bei and Sun Quan in the South.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Tetsuo Iron Man Japanese film


Lists of movies that you 'must' see tend to disappoint... they're usually full of predictable suggestions of great movies that feature on dozens of other lists


[ Click here to read more ]
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Memories of Matsuko Japanese Film

It'd be easy to shrug this film off... "Memories of Matsuko" is, on topical viewings, a cartoon-coloured, over-saturated musical with emotionally manipulative material.

[ Click here to read more ]
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We Are Jazzmen

November 12th 2008 22:27
We Are Jazzmen Karen Shakhnazarov
Part of the Karen Shakhnazarov retrospective at the Russian Resurrection Film Festival, "We Are Jazzmen" was the first feature film from Shakhnazarov, released in 1983, during the toughest part of the Cold War, when economic difficulties was widening the gap between West and East.

Such fervent passion went into this production, a simple story of a young man, kicked out of music school for his love of jazz, that starts a jazz band with two desperate street musicians. The story stumbles into suspension of belief, but this is not a movie that pretends to subscribe to realism... this is fantasy and dreams imprinted onto celluloid


[ Click here to read more ]
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After School Kenji Uchida Masato Sakai Yo Oizumi
This year's opening night film of the 12th Annual Japanese Film Festival is an exciting new film from director Kenji Uchida, "After School", a sordid tale of business, gang-dealings and the secretive affair of a married man.

"After School" opens on a grim breakfast - a pregnant woman sits at a quiet breakfast with a young salaryman. With hardly any affection, he eats, then runs off to work, leaving the woman with a clouded look on her face


[ Click here to read more ]
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The Vanished Empire

The opening of the Russian Resurrection Film Festival paraded around with shots of vodka and smoked salmon, a balalaika orchestra gradually picking up tempo. We were there to see the latest film from Karen Shakhnazarov, one of the most accomplished directors in modern Russia.

[ Click here to read more ]
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