Dark Shadows
May 14th 2012 06:27
The best bits are in the trailer: sadly, this proves to be the truth in the case of Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows, a painfully mediocre re-imagining of the long-running 60’s TV series created by Dan Curtis. Johnny Depp stars as Barnabas Collins, who as a young man was turned into a vampire by a witch with a mad crush, Angelique (Eva Green); one who refused to let him die as as a mortal with his despondent one true love. Now, 200 years later, in the 1970’s, Collins, accidentally released from his emtombment, returns to his family’s estate to revive their flagging fortunes as if the intervening centuries were but a fleeting memory - which is exactly what he suspects they are at first.
His return is a bit of a shock to current head of the family estate, cousin Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer), who now resides at Collinwood with husband Roger (Jonny Lee Miller), troubled son David (Gulliver McGrath), rebellious stepdaughter Carolyn (Chloe Grace Moretz), a resident doctor, Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter), and latest acquisition in housekeeper Victoria (Bella Heathcote).
The only trouble for Barnabas is that his witchy, very patient, not-so-secret admirer and antagonist, the sensual and ubiquitous Angelique, is still around, having assumed the role of community business leader in her current incarnation. She’s still got the hots for Barnabas too and would nothing more than to reclaim her man and live happily ever after.
To be fair, Depp is the shining light of this mildly diverting but tepid film as Collins, who must fend off advances from Angelique like a persistent fencer before leaping into the fray of the inevitable showdown which is as pedestrian as the preceding 90 minutes. His milky pallor, fish-out-of-water status and hopeless initial attempts at integration into the 70’s culture give cause for mild humour but never threaten to split anyone’s side.
The limp, unengaging screenplay by Seth Graeme-Smith is the chief culprit here with Depp’s best efforts negated by a flimsy plot and annoying and extraneous minor characters. Any attempt by Burton’s long-time muse to enliven proceedings comes across as picking the final, meagre strips of flesh off a carcass floating down a clogged river of cinematic anonymity.
Dark Shadows (2012) is a significant improvement on Burton’s previous film, Alice in Wonderland (2010), which is only to damn it with the faintest praise. It’s not a bona fide disaster but so far from Burton’s best work that the gulf separating the continents of this and Edward Scissorhands (1990) feels like an unnavigable divide.
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